A Peaceful Haven

Comfort is extremely important.

Over the past few months I have slowly tried to make my living situation more comfortable, because it is one thing I have some control over. I’ve made my living space as peaceful as possible, with whites, creams, pale yellows, and light blues. I’ve purchased a brand new bed : a queen-sized pillow-top mattress set, all to myself. I bought the softest oversized down-alternative duvet I could find, and it’s like wrapping myself in puffy white clouds. New pillows, new sheets. I’ve indulged in epsom salts, and aromatherapy candles, and flowers. The clutter has been cleared out, so the space feels much more relaxed. I can breathe easier in this room than I can in the rest of the house.

This year I will be moving out. Getting divorced. Starting fresh in a life that is just my own. Jumping off the proverbial Marriage cliff into the sea of uncertainty. My spouse has reminded me many times that there are two ways of reaching this sea: Blindly diving off the cliff, or taking small steps down to the water. I hold this image in my mind whenever our current situation feels stagnant or confining. Which would I rather have? The end result is going to be the same. It’s how we arrive there, and our comfort level along the way, that is most important.

I would much rather be prepared, both financially and emotionally, for my new future than to just dive in head first and hope for the best.

Comfort therefore plays a huge role in present and future events, so anything I can do to maximize that comfort level every step of the way, is of the utmost importance. The years of being uncomfortable in my own shoes, in my own skin, in my own life – relationships – everything – are coming to an end.

Creating a safe and peaceful haven was the first step. It has given me the sanctuary needed to grow comfortable with myself. In this space I’m learning to trust my intuition more. Faith and Spiritual practices have re-entered my life, in a new and comfortable way. I feel more at peace, and have more positive energy now than I have in years.

Letting go of the clutter, anger, negativity, hopelessness, worry, and useless distractions has freed me up to start enjoying life again. That’s not to say I don’t feel those things every once in a while; I do. But I have a plan now. A “genuinely me” goal, and I’m moving toward it slowly but surely. Where willpower has failed me in the past, this time it’s different. I am going to succeed. It’s already happening.

The next step is building the self-confidence I’ve misplaced. Separating finances, learning to pay my own bills and trusting that I can manage money when I’ve never had to before. Taking better care of myself, learning to say NO and stick up for myself, taking pride in my appearance and trusting my abilities…

With each little step away from “us”, I take a step closer to being my true self. And that’s a greater comfort than any duvet could ever hold.